One of the things I enjoy about having this site is the metrics. I like to see what countries people are from that view this page, how many views, etc.
One metric that is collected is the Search Engine Results. I clicked on that to see what people had searched as of this morning to reach my site and it yielded this result:
Loving gay men with beards? Really?
Someone typed “loving gay men with beards” into google and apparently scrolled through enough pages to find this site.
It’s okay. I don’t judge.. but let me be of some assistance.
Dear Mr. Dude Who Loves A Bearded Gay Dude,
I am writing this to inform you that I have come up with an answer to your question. You seem to be struggling with a deep internal conflict about how to love another gay dude that happens to sport a beard. I can’t imagine it is any different than loving a gay dude that doesn’t have a beard. I have done some research into the matter and came to the following mathematically proven statements:
(Penis+Butt)+Beard = Gay Man Love
(Penis+Butt)-Beard = Gay Man Love
As you can see, the beard has no impact on the ability to love another man. Either way, you are still performing gay man love. Using the above knowledge, you can now be rest assured- as long as you are willing to enjoy some Penis+Butt action you too can love a bearded man just as easily as a non-bearded man.
But, let me pose a question to you. Everyone knows that a man who doesn’t have a beard is nothing more than a woman. So why would you be gay if you just want guys who don’t have beards? Is the whole “gay is the new fashion” thing like all of the little teenage girls who claim to be gay because it is in vogue? Did someone not love you enough as a kid? Or love you too much? It is none of my business- but go beard or go home.
If you would like to write in your questions to The Beard, please feel free to leave a question on the Dan’s Beard facebook page found here.