Day 38

Apparently, according to some people, I “mailed it in” yesterday. In fact, if you had been paying attention, yesterdays post was a secret code used to gain ultimate power. Sucks for you.

One comment I get is that I am now fuzzy or furry. Awesome. What do people think ofwhen they think fuzzy or furry? Teddy bears, of course. I am apparently just a big teddy bear. To show what a teddy bear I am, here are some candid shots of me doing caring and tender things.

Donate Blood

Here we see me in the seat of a bus giving away my blood. How fortunate the recipient of such a pure sample will be. They will gain all of the benefits of taking blood from a bearded man. Beard Blood has been proven to increase your metabolism, help you have better sex, and in general make you an overall better person.

I did notice that if you are a man and if you have had sex with another man even once since 1977 that you can’t donate blood. But it doesn’t mention women. So basically what we are saying is that two women who have sex is totally appropriate. I agree.

Holding A Baby

First off, I do not know the rules about putting babies on the internet. So I blanked out the babies face. It is probably something really obscure like the Age of Consent laws. Some places 17 is A Okay, some places 17 will land you 10-15. Better safe than sorry- bearded men are usually targeted first by prison rape. Or so I hear.

As you can see, the beard has turned me into a better person. I give blood to people who need blood (gunshot victims, car accident folks, people who lose limbs to doing stupid shit like juggling hand grenades while drinking, etc) and somehow people actually trust me to hold their baby. If I keep at it, I will soon be entrusted with really important shit like making pancakes or something.

Disclaimer: If you are a dude and you are caught holding a baby you will have to suffer criticism from your guy friends. However, this is also a panty dropper for most women. You come off sensitive and endearing. Hold a baby and get laid. Pretty sweet actually.

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